What IS a perfect body image? No site that has dating advice for women would be complete without a section on how to love the skin you're in and how to create a more loving body image and self esteem.
We are constantly bombarded with media images of what an "ideal body" should be, and this is even perpetuated by our female friends and family members complaining about their bodies!
And, we get messages (from magazines, movies, TV, etc.) that there is only one perfect body image that will attract men: super slim, svelte and shapely bodies that are perfect, shiny, bouncy hair and oozing sexuality 24/7! But since most of us don't have the genetic makeup to be 5' 8", a size 0 or 2, perpetually 21 years old, and sans cellulite forever, we end up on the never-ending treadmill trying to attain and maintain unrealistic beauty and suffer from the lack of the "perfect body image" because we can't fix ourselves.
And, in truth, it's not men who are doing this to us. WE are doing this to us.
Yes, men ARE attracted to shapely bodies, but what men find attractive and would call a "shapely body" or their "perfect body image" is different for every man! You need to REALLY understand how men think: Men love ALL different types of bodies -- some men love slim girls, some love a little curve and some love a lot of curve! But they ALL like a woman who is sexually confident about what she has! I had a friend once who said he could care less about boobs; he fell hard for women who were completely pear-shaped and the wider the hips, the better!
For every Playboy magazine sold with airbrushed, slim and well-endowed (and often fake-breasted) 24 year olds, there are also men's magazines that ONLY feature large women, women with small breasts, women with big stomachs, older women, women with big booty, and women with natural breasts that hang, just to name a few. There is a multi-million dollar p*rn industry out there and all you need to do is go to one warehouse site (like xnxx dot com) to see the MASSIVE amount of variety that men are attracted to!
So... It's not really about what you have.
IT'S HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE!
When you finally understand that your "perfect body image" is just to be exactly as you are, you know how to love yourself, and have loving acceptance about your body, you open yourself to being loved and accepted by someone else. And if you are attracting men into your life who criticize your body in any way, the exercises on these pages will help you because when you love yourself, men who don't love your body will fade out of your experience or change their tune!
The key is to stop comparing yourself to others, stop trying to be something you are not, and start loving the skin you are in, even if it is not totally the way you want to be right this second.
According to Abraham-Hicks (link opens in a new window), the source for the Law of Attraction, "...The best way to get something to improve is to focus on the best things about where you currently are until you flood your thoughts with appreciation, and in that changed state, you can then allow the new-and-improved conditions to come into your experience. In your state of appreciation, you lift all self-imposed limitations and you free yourself for the receiving of wonderful things."
What this tells us is that even if you want to change something about your body, you have to appreciate it first!
Check out the How to Love Yourself and Gaining Self Confidence pages for exercises to help you appreciate and learn how to talk to yourself differently so you can change how you feel about yourself. If you have a poor body image, I would do these exercises daily! And, if it feels really difficult to say "I love myself" or "I love (insert body part)", you can start with "I AM IN THE PROCESS OF LEARNING TO LOVE MYSELF" or "I AM OPEN TO LOVING MY (insert body part)." Often, saying something like "I'm in the process of.." or "I'm open to.." over and over feels easier and more fitting at first.
One of my clients called to complain to me about her body and her lack of a perfect body image a while back and I told her, "If you knew what MEN find attractive and what men thought about your body, you would never feel bad about it again!" Here's what I said that I'd heard from Alison Armstrong at PAX regarding how men think about our bodies:
- MEN LOVE OUR CURVES! Men look at our bodies with amazement and wonder. If you look at men, their bodies are straight, utilitarian, angular, and functional, whereas our bodies have curves -- our boobs and booty are all about enhancements! Our bodies are color in their otherwise gray worlds. If there were no women in the world, it would be really boring for them. It is a privilege to be holding and touching our curves and spending time with our bodies.
- MEN LOVE OUR SKIN! Men don't have soft skin the way we do -- there is often hair over most of it and sometimes it's rough. Our skin is soft, smooth, mostly hairless and inviting! Why do you think they want to get us naked?? It's partly so they can touch and be touched by our skin!
- MEN LOVE OUR "PLACE"! (Place = the pussy! Yes, I said it!) Men LOVE places! Playboy is a real estate magazine! LOL They are fascinated with places! Our place casts a magical spell on them, which is why they can't stay away and constantly want to be in our temple!
- MEN LOVE THE WAY WE SMELL! We smell good, like "new baby" or "new car" smell to them, and I'm not talking about perfume (though most men do like certain fragrances), I'm talking about our skin and "the place". The place smells good to them. And while everyone likes a clean place, some men are cool if you haven't showered in a day or so because they like you to be more natural -- you have to ask your guy how fresh he'd like your place to be.
Your idea of a perfect body image will improve just by knowing that you don't have to be different -- YOU ALREADY HAVE WHAT MEN WANT -- the skin, the curves, the smell and the place!
Spend some time learning ways to love yourself, gaining self confidence and enhancing your personal style and this will pay off in every area of your life.
Most of all, what makes a woman sexy and beautiful is how she feels, not her measurements. If you can appreciate how beautiful and soft other women are, you can love your own body and your "perfect body image" will be exactly what you already have!
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