Being true to yourself and being authentic in dating is one of the top four traits that men find REALLY attractive in a woman. What attracts men is honest women! Being authentic means that you are true to your own personality, spirit, and character, you are cool with who you are, what you are about and what makes you happy AND you know what you want. It also implies that you are actually and exactly what you've claimed to be.
Being true to yourself also means that you are genuine with your emotions. If you are pissed off and your guy asks how you are and you say (through gritted teeth), "I'm fine," that's not being authentic, and he knows it.
So what is it exactly about being true to yourself and being authentic that men find so attractive?
Men tend to say what they mean and mean what they say (usually) -- and a man can relate better to a woman who does the same. When you ask a guy if he can hang on Saturday and he says, "No. I'm busy." It means he's busy! A woman who says "No, I'm busy," might actually mean, "I'm not doing anything, but I'd rather watch Tivo than go out with you." And men would actually prefer a woman saying to them, "I think you're a good guy, but I don't think we have enough in common to sustain a relationship, so I wish you the best," and turn them down sweetly rather than just avoid them! This is why honest women seem to be a rarity!
Being true to yourself means that you are honest, genuine and real in your interactions with men -- and they will appreciate you for it! If you want authentic success and honesty in dating, you need to be honest yourself.
If you are doing online dating, being true to yourself means that you should post recent pics that were taken THIS year, not the pics taken 3 years ago right after you lost 10 lbs from having the flu. And don't embellish, tell lies (for ex., lie about your age, height, being "athletic" when you are really "a few extra pounds", marital status, whether or not you have kids, etc.) or be fake in your profile or when you talk to someone. What men hate about women is fakeness. Sooner or later it will all come out anyway and you wouldn't want someone to do that to you (even if you have had it happen to you in the past).
Being true to yourself and being authentic in dating is NOT about sharing every personal thing about yourself like details about past relationships, fights with your mother, body issues and whatever other problems you have. These are things no man needs or WANTS to know about. But it IS about being up front from the get-go with things that could affect a relationship from the start, like whether or not you are a pot smoker, heavy drinker, or need to see your parole officer weekly!
In other words, let him be attracted to WHO YOU ARE NOW, not some fairy-tale image of you that you can't possibly live up to!
I personally hate it when I've been online dating and meet someone for the first time who is 10 years older and 30 lbs heavier than his picture, his profile says "lives with roommates" and he comes clean that he's still living with his ex or his mom! It makes me wonder what other things he's been hiding or not open about and I will not begin a relationship with someone who can't be honest from the get-go.
In addition, being true to yourself means that you are honest about what you truly desire.
I've found that many women are not being authentic about what they TRULY want from a relationship and how fast it should take them to get there -- in fact, they are AFRAID to be honest about it for fear of losing him! (But if he goes away after you are honest with what you want, he's not the right guy!) There's a difference between communicating that you want to be with the "right guy" versus being with "the first guy who shows interest because my biological clock is ticking". Men want to feel special; they don't want to think that you want to get married to just anyone.
Other women meet a guy who they have "chemistry" with and just assume that everything will take care of itself and then before long, because they've had sex, now they think they have a boyfriend -- but he doesn't automatically think that!
Being true to yourself means being able to communicate what kind of relationship you want to a man. He can't read your mind.
**SPECIAL LOTS-OF-DATING-ADVICE MEMO**:
NEVER EXPECT A MAN TO READ YOUR MIND.
HE CAN'T, AND YOU WOULDN'T REALLY WANT HIM TO EITHER!
(If he really COULD read your mind, along with knowing that he should take out the trash, when he should propose, when to bring you flowers, and what to make for dinner, he would also hear your crazy internal dialogue about your hair, which outfit to wear, how many men you've slept with and whatever you have O.C.D about! Bad idea! LOL -- Now you can't say I never gave you this memo!)
Since I've just told you that you can't expect him to read your mind, you also can't read his. Being true to yourself means asking him what he thinks about things that are important to you.
An authentic woman asks a man, "So, what are you looking for?" and listens carefully to his answer. When he asks what she is looking for, she should be honest and say, "I'm just dating right now, but if I met the right man and took the time to get to know him, I'd like to get married and start a family." If he's not ready for that, he'll say so, leaving you open to find someone who is.
Don't be afraid to tell a man what you want. If he doesn't want the same thing, you are better off moving on. And believe me, I've met PLENTY of men who are looking for EXACTLY that!
If you are following along with my suggestions on how to use the Law of Attraction -- focusing on what you want, allowing it to happen, releasing resistance and doubt, you WILL attract the ideal man you want. But it is still your job to ask him if he is on the same page and find out his expectations so you can identify if he's the right one. We'll go more into having reasonable expectations in another section (link coming soon!)
Plus, if you are being true to yourself, you are being selective. You aren't settling just for "chemistry" or "connection"; you are being honest with YOURSELF about what you want and what you are willing to put up with (dating deal breakers) and you "weed and delete" men who don't measure up to your Compatibility List.
Understand what men want: the truth is that what men find attractive and yearn for is women who are honest, open, up front, and forthright about who they are and what they want from a relationship and who can share this with them in a "low-drama" way. (More on how to ask for what you need in another section -- link coming soon!)
Just keep asking yourself when you are dealing with men, "Am I being true to myself here? How can I be authentic, honest and genuine in this situation?" and soon enough, you will begin hearing from dates, "I've never met anyone like you before..." and you will be on your way to creating the relationship you've always wanted.
Next up... Why it's great to be a woman - Celebrate it and Love Yourself!
Return to the Top of the Being True to Yourself Page
Return to the Lots of Dating Advice Home Page
Enjoy this page? Please pay it forward. Here's how...
Would you prefer to share this page with others by linking to it?
- Click on the HTML link code below.
- Copy and paste it, adding a note of your own, into your blog, a Web page, forums, a blog comment,
your Facebook account, or anywhere that someone would find this page valuable.