Gaining self confidence aids you in business, relationships, friendships and even negotiating a good deal on a car! Couldn't we ALL do with a little more self esteem? Confidence also means that you KNOW your man is going to show up. And it is one of those top four traits that men find REALLY attractive in a woman.
One of the keys to using the Law of Attraction to your advantage is "allowing" what you want to come to you. You need to know and believe that you CAN have what you want, you DESERVE to have what you want, and you are CONFIDENT it will come.
So, how does one go about gaining self confidence, overcoming low self esteem, and being someone who men say "there's something about her"?
YOU START TALKING TO YOURSELF DIFFERENTLY.
So often we have all kinds of chatter in our heads that keep us feeling crappy: I'm not pretty enough. I don't make enough money. I'm too old, too short, too tall, too skinny, too fat, too WHATEVER (fill in the blank). I don't want to risk getting hurt again. I always attract losers. I'll never meet anyone decent. Blah blah blah blah blah!!! You get the idea!
The key to gaining self confidence and boosting self esteem is to realize that those thoughts are just OLD HABITS and they are perpetuated by your INNER CRITIC or HARSH INNER VOICE (does it sound like your mother? lol).
When you think a thought for as little as 17 seconds, the Law of Attraction attracts more thoughts to you like it. And if you continue to think a thought for 68 seconds, it can manifest physically (68 seconds is the *magic* number where a focused thought, good or bad, begins to manifest in your physical world).
So, if you keep thinking negative thoughts for 68 seconds or longer, all those negative things you've been thinking start showing up around you! If you constantly think, "I'm too old to date," you'll end up manifesting an experience of it -- like a man telling you, "Women over 35 have a better chance of getting hit by lightning than finding a man. I'm not interested." and then you'll say, "See! I am too old to date!" because now you've manifested what you were thinking about -- AND -- now you have EVIDENCE to perpetuate those negative thoughts and the cycle repeats... and then you wonder why bad things are happening!
Most people create their lives by default from the habitual inner critic tapes playing in their heads. You can change this by being deliberate with your thoughts.
Girlfriend, it's time to give your inner critic the boot and tell it to go &*%@!@ itself!
One thing I've found really helpful for gaining self confidence is to think of your inner critic as a cartoon character or a character from a movie. I have one friend who thinks of her harsh inner voice as Gollum from Lord of the Rings. My harsh inner voice is the Pikachu Pokemon because, C'MON, HOW CAN I TAKE ANYTHING SERIOUSLY FROM SOMETHING THAT LOOKS LIKE THAT?
So, when my harsh inner Pokemon used to tell me something like,
"You'll never be loved. No one will love you unless you lose some weight, make more money, etc... (Insert more crap here!) You should go eat a cookie or do something to "fix yourself" instead." I would tell it right back,
"What do YOU know, Pokemon??
You're just a stupid little cartoon!
And, you're a giant yellow butterball!
I'm not taking dating OR diet advice from YOU!
F*** You and the cartoon horse you rode in on!!"
AND THEN I'D START LAUGHING – HOW CAN SOMETHING SO CUTE AND YELLOW BE THE AUTHORITY ON DATING AND MY LIFE??
After I'd given Pokemon "a cup of shut the hell up", I'd get in touch with a more NURTURING INNER VOICE (like the voice of a sweet grandmother or someone who really cares about me) and tell myself what I really needed to hear in that moment.
Sometimes I'd take my right hand and stroke my left shoulder and say something like, "Theresa, I love you just the way you are. You don't need to be different to be lovable. You are sweet and special and you deserve to be with someone amazing, who adores you." And I'd feel a lot better.
The more often I brought up this nurturing inner voice, the less my inner critic showed up, and when it did show up, I knew what to do about it. I know it sounds hokey, but one of the ways to build self confidence is to make your inner critic into a cartoon and then talk back to it and replace it with a nurturing inner voice. This will do TONS for you in terms of gaining self confidence!!
HOWEVER, HANDS DOWN the best tool I have EVER used for gaining self confidence is the "Natural Confidence" program by Morty Lefkoe.
The Lefkoe Method involves eliminating beliefs like "Mistakes and failure are bad" or "I'm not good enough" or "What makes me good enough is having people think well of me", in order to re-program the flawed messages we all got when we were young.
You can click here to try it out and eliminate one belief for FREE.
Then, if you want to go deeper into gaining TRUE self confidence, increasing your self-esteem, and empowering yourself to do more than you ever believed you could, their Natural Confidence Program shows you how to build self confidence by eliminating the most common subconscious beliefs and conditions that are holding you back, and might be the best $200 you ever spent. (Both links will open in a new window.) It's not cheap, but for me it was worth EVERY penny, and frankly, I wish I had had this program when I was in my teens! This should be taught in schools!
If you want some other great self esteem building activities for gaining self confidence that don't cost a dime, try the following exercises: For one week, wear a rubber band on your wrist. Every time you think a negative thought about yourself (or even your job, your boss, your apartment, your mother, etc.), SNAP IT or SWITCH IT TO THE OTHER HAND, and tell your inner Pokemon to shut up... and then turn that negative into the positive.
In fact, if you even notice the band, say something positive to yourself! At first you might be snapping it or moving it to the other hand all the time, but as the week goes on and you focus on more positive thoughts, more and more positive thoughts will be drawn to you and you'll be on your way to feeling great about yourself. Do this for a month and you'll not only be gaining self confidence, but you'll be feeling blissful!
So, for example... you are walking by the coffee shop by your office and see a sweet couple together and think, "When will that be me? Ugh! I never meet anyone good..." SNAP! Turn that thought around, "You know, I'm learning about this Law of Attraction stuff and I know I need to do what I can to feel better so I can manifest my guy. It will be my turn soon - I'm going to meet a great guy who adores me and maybe even brings me coffee in bed!" And then congratulate yourself on turning around those negative thoughts!
Another technique from metaphysical teacher Louise Hay, is to look into a mirror often and simply say, "I LOVE YOU, I REALLY LOVE YOU." It may be difficult to say at first, but keep practicing, and soon you will mean and feel what you say.
If that is too hard, you can start off with "I'm learning to love you. I'm becoming open to loving you." And if you can look in the mirror and list three things that you love about yourself each time (they can be the same things over and over), your life will begin to mirror love back to you.
Another technique for gaining self confidence is to "anchor self esteem" using a "trigger". Think of a time when you accomplished something or were really proud of yourself or felt love for someone, like holding a baby. REALLY play it over in your mind and make the colors bright while you touch your middle finger and thumb together on your right hand. Do this often enough and you will just be able to touch your fingers together in order to feel good.
If you want an advanced technique for gaining self confidence, set an hourly timer, like a chime on a watch. When the timer beeps, take a deep breath, get in touch with your nurturing inner voice and have it say something you really need to hear that would make you feel great, like, "I love you just the way you are! You are wonderful, beautiful, sweet, sexy and fabulous! You add value to everything you do and you deserve the best in life! You deserve to be, do and have everything you want, including being with the man of your dreams!"
Do this 10 times a day for a month or even longer. At first you might not believe your inner voice, but over time, you will, and you will be gaining more and more self confidence. It took me a year of using this technique daily to end a lifetime of insecurity, but it was well worth it. And I still continue to use it whenever I need a pick-me-up.
Gaining self confidence will help you in so many areas of your life, including attracting your ideal mate, that it's worth it to learn a few self esteem building activities and use them on a regular basis to feel good!
Next up... How to attract a man -- Make yourself worth winning!
Return to the Top of the Gaining Self Confidence Page
Return to the Lots of Dating Advice Home Page
Enjoy this page? Please pay it forward. Here's how...
Would you prefer to share this page with others by linking to it?
- Click on the HTML link code below.
- Copy and paste it, adding a note of your own, into your blog, a Web page, forums, a blog comment,
your Facebook account, or anywhere that someone would find this page valuable.