The 5 Love Languages is one of the best compatibility and relationship tests to discover how you and your partner express love for one another. If you know your love language, you can attract a true love AND compatible soulmate and you will be able to easily and naturally make each other feel loved and cherished.
In his book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman states that each one of us has one of the following 5 Love Languages that makes us feel the MOST loved when we are in a relationship.
Whether you are in the process of attracting your true love soulmate or looking for a way to enhance the relationship you are already in, I don't think there is ANYTHING more important than to know which of the 5 Love Languages YOU need to feel the MOST loved and which one your current partner needs as well and/or what love language a future partner should be so that you will be compatible.
Of course, it is just as important to be able to communicate this to each other so that you can meet each other's needs for love.
I've taken this a step further - you might even feel that you fit into more than one category or you are a little bit of each one, but there will be ONE of the 5 Love Languages that you cannot live without when you are with someone. And I have found that some of the most common romantic compatibility problems come from being with someone who is not your compatible love language!
So, let's figure out which of the 5 Love Languages you are, and then add that to the "Emotional Style" section of the Who is My Soulmate List you started in the previous section.
I've changed some of the names of the Five Love Languages because as I have spoken to people over the years about them, these names make more sense to me than what Gary Chapman calls them.
THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES:
- Physical Affection: Some people feel the most loved if you GIVE THEM AFFECTION all the time -- hold their hand, hug them, kiss them, spoon them, give them massages, play with their hair, scratch their back, snuggle them on the couch or in bed, etc.
Not sex. Affection.
- Words of Affirmation: Some people feel really loved if you SAY things to them like, "You are really smart. You are so funny. You are very sexy. I had a good time with you. You did a great job with that. I know that you can handle that challenge. I believe in you," etc.
- Acts of Service: Some people feel really loved if you DO things for them: mow the lawn, do the dishes, make the bed, cook them dinner, clean the house, put gas in their car, iron their shirts, etc.
- Receiving Gifts: Some people feel really loved if you GIVE them something all the time – a book, a card, a CD, they want you to bring them back a souvenir if you've gone on a trip, or just any type of gift that says you were thinking of them.
- Quantity Time: Some people feel really loved if you SPEND A LOT OF TIME with them. This is not the same as "quality time"… EVERYONE wants quality time, but "quantity time" people feel loved if they can spend as much time with you as possible. Given their choice, they would see you every night of the week and all weekend. They'll say things like, "I need to run a bunch of errands today. Will you just come along with me?"
So, as you read that list, which category did you fall into? Did you know right away, or do you fit into more than one category?
Often we give to another what we want for ourselves, so the way that you usually show love for someone in a relationship is often, but not always, the one you want for yourself. And, since you want a man who NATURALLY makes you feel loved, you want someone who is your same love language.
If you are having a hard time figuring out which one you are, here is a quick 5 Love Languages Test. Pick the one that sounds the most like you and if you had a partner who could only be one of these, what could you live with:
- I feel especially loved when someone thinks of me by bringing me gifts.
- I feel especially loved when someone expresses their feelings for me by touching me in some way.
- I feel especially loved when someone compliments me or expresses how grateful they are to me.
- I feel especially loved when someone gives me undivided attention and makes time alone for me regularly.
- I feel especially loved when someone pitches in to help me or takes over household chores or running errands.
If you picked 1, you are a Receiving Gifts person.
If you picked 2, you are a Physical Affection person.
If you picked 3, you are a Words of Affirmation person.
If you picked 4, you are a Quantity Time person.
If you picked 5, you are an Acts of Service person.
In my own life, I am totally a physical affection person as my #1. I love hugging, kissing, snuggling, public displays of affection, etc. In fact, I love affection sooo much that if I date someone who is not physical affection as their #1 of the 5 Love Languages, I will overwhelm them with hugging and kissing! However, I am also a very close second Words of Affirmation, so if someone is spooning me, and telling me I'm sexy, it's all over for me! I'm in LOVE! LOL
Even though these are important to some people, personally, I don't need gifts or chores or quantity time. Sure, it's nice when someone helps around the house or buys a present for my birthday and spends time with me, but if that's all they did and there was no hugging and snuggling and laughing at my jokes, I'd be miserable.
When I date another physical affection man and we start to argue, we hug and it just melts.
The power of being with someone who is your compatible love language is that you automatically know how to make the other person feel loved! AND they know how to naturally make YOU feel loved!
When someone is not your love language, you might not even be able to understand why someone would need that particular thing to feel loved!
For example, I dated a Quantity Time guy a long time ago and one day when we were out I said, "I'd really like to hold your hand today," to which he replied, "Ugh! I held your hand THREE times this week already!" And then in the next sentence he said, "We NEVER see each other!" And I said back, "What are you talking about? We went out THREE times this week!"
That, my friend, is an example of why you should be with someone who is your compatible love language. We were never going to be able to naturally (and without a lot of sacrifice) give the other one what we wanted or needed to be loved...
The Five Love Languages are also great for making friends, family and even coworkers, feel loved! I make a point to ask everyone in my life what love language they are and I try to do what I can to give it to them. This creates LOADS of love in my life!
So, take this compatibility and relationship test and figure out which of the 5 Love Languages you are and write it on your compatibility list for what you want in your ideal man in the Emotional Compatibility section. In another section, I'll explain how to attract that true love who is your compatible love language.
Next up... Your must-haves -- What do YOU absolutely need in a partner?
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