Is this an unusual turn-on?

by John
(United Kingdom)

I have a wonderful 36 year old partner, eleven years younger than myself, who has discovered by accident that when her slip shows accidentally below her dress it is a huge turn on for me. She has now taken to letting a little lace show below her dress or skirt most of the time at home and when we are going out asks me if her slip is down and sometimes ask me to adjust the elastic waist band for her. This drives me wild!

What can I do to calm myself down as I am worried it may cause problems in our relationship if I climax prematurely? I know she does this deliberately at home as her slip only shows on rare occasions when we are out. I have asked her not to keep showing her slip at home but she just laughs and says it's a bit long for this dress. Do other men get excited by this or am I unusual?

Answer from Coach Theresa: Hi John,

Thanks for writing in.

First of all, rest assured, there is nothing unusual about what is turning you on. You are totally normal! Of the men I've dated and had as friends, what has caused them to be excited has been as varied as the men themselves. For example, I've known men who were turned on by a woman wearing clogs barefoot when she goes grocery shopping, when a woman wears her oldest pair of white cotton underwear, when she wears pantyhose (not stockings or thigh-highs) to work, when her hair is swept up off her neck, when she wears specific lingerie or lipstick he likes, when she is bent over the tub cleaning, etc. etc. etc. My point is that there is such a varied range of different things that turn men on, that I would never classify ANYTHING as unusual; there are only each person's preferences.

Next, congratulations on having such a fun partner who accidentally found a creative way to turn you on and obviously likes doing it! She wouldn't keep doing it at home if she didn't get excited by YOU being excited! It would be much worse if she knew you were turned on by such a thing and REFUSED to EVER do it! LOL.

So why ask her to stop doing something at home that turns both of you on? Since you are worried about possibly causing problems in the relationship with climaxing prematurely, you could have a quick chat and say something like, "You know I can't help but be turned on when I see your slip like that... but when I get like this, I can't last long because it's TOO exciting, so be prepared that when you tease me like this, I'm like a 13 year old boy with his first issue of Playboy, and I just can't hold it because you turn me on so much. So don't complain that I'm not doing you for hours when you've gotten me like this!"

Then see what she says or does. If she is like 90% of women out there, intercourse is not such a big deal anyway. Not that we don't enjoy it, but we'd rather our men lick us over and over for 30+ minutes to satisfy us than saw in and out of us for 30 minutes. She may end up only wearing her slip showing around the house when she is up for a quickie! Anyway, communication is key so don't try to read her mind and don't make her read yours. Tell her what's going on.

And you also asked me what to do to calm yourself down so you don't climax prematurely... One of my male friends told me that he thinks of chairs. Yes, chairs. I laughed and still laugh when I think about him explaining this to me.... he thinks of every possible chair he can name: folding chairs, reclining chairs, stadium chairs, rocking chairs, wooden chairs, etc. I guess thinking of chairs is enough to calm him down without turning him off like it would if he thought of ugly old nuns! LOL.

So I hope that helps. Let me know how it goes.

Have fun and happy dating!

Coach Theresa