Is it OK for my girlfriend of 1.5 years to take a day off from work to leave town and go golfing with a married male coworker?

by Bill
(WI)

Question: Is it OK for my girlfriend of 1.5 years to take a day off from work to leave town and go golfing with a married male coworker? Am I overreacting or being too obsessive? It just doesn't make me feel very good. I know my dad wouldn't have ever asked a lady to take time off from work to leave town with him and spend the day golfing. It would have looked inappropriate.

Answer from Coach Theresa: No way in heck is that ok! Not only is it not appropriate, but it is inconsiderate of her to not think of how you would feel about her actions. The only way that this would be ok is if the golf trip was part of a business trip for the entire office. The way it stands now, it is just an invitation for temptation.

But let's stand back for a second. How old is this coworker? Is he 70 yrs old and trying to mentor her in business over a game of golf? Who is paying for this trip? Are they staying in separate rooms? Is your girlfriend an avid golfer already? Why can't they play in town? Why can't they play on a weekend? Why do they have to take a day off from work?

There are so many unanswered questions here, but the bottom line is that if you told your girlfriend (and I'm hoping that you did) that this made you feel uncomfortable, then she should have willingly answered all those questions until you felt comfortable OR she should have chosen not to go out of consideration for your relationship.

You need to sit down and find out what is really going on with her in a calm and non-threatening way. And you need to really listen to what she has to say. She might have been unhappy and not been able to ask for what she wants. I'm not justifying her actions. I'm just saying to listen to what she has to say and then you guys can talk and try to work it out for both of you.

Let me know what happens.

Coach Theresa