I like him but he is a different religion

by Emy

Question: So I am a 16 year old girl, and I am in love with one of my good guy friends. The problem is that he is Mormon and said "dating is pointless in high school". I am very liberal and basically atheist. So I don't want him to think I'm a bad person...

I don't know if he likes me but he is so sweet and I can't get my mind off him.
We hang out but he kinda acts the same around everyone (flirty and funny) but he texts me pretty often. I just don't get what guy on this earth doesn't want love/sex, or even a girlfriend! Please help. I don't know what to do next.

Answer from Coach Theresa: I understand how easy it is to fall in love with a good guy friend. I have been there! After all, you have a great time together and laugh at each other's jokes and have things in common, so why shouldn't you *be* together? But, sadly, it usually doesn't work like this. And unrequited love sucks!

But let's get to the main issue here: His religion. I've known some Mormons and their families tend to push them towards marriage right out of college and if they're not married by 27, they make them feel that something is wrong with them (not all of them are like this of course, but the ones I've known were). So they don't see any point in dating until college since dating is only done in order to find someone to marry and have children with. Honestly, in this day and age, that set of standards seems like something out of the early 1900's to me! However, this is the religion and set of ideals and beliefs he has been brought up with and you are not going to change his mind, especially while he is living with his parents. And, in fact, he may never adopt a more liberal attitude towards dating or relationships, especially if he is very set on pleasing his parents and elders of his church.

So, he is not someone to set your sights on. He is a friend and that is all. Sorry.

Check out my page on Your Romantic Compatibility List and make a list of what you want in a boyfriend and imagine THAT guy coming into your life as often as you can and try to feel good about it happening. Then make another list of what makes you awesome and special and focus on that as well. If you can stay positive and have an expectation that someone closer to your list will come along and appreciate all your awesome qualities, he WILL come along and SOON, and you won't have to second-guess him.

Let me know if you have any other questions.

Take care and happy dating!

Coach Theresa

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